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Author Topic: Joke Thread  (Read 1869 times)

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Offline Morgan

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Joke Thread
« on: May 17, 2008, 10:25:06 am »
You need a joke thread. Yes I copied this joke cause there's no way in heck i'm typing it.
 
 
A string walks into a bar and says, “Bartender! Gimme a drink!”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here! Get out!”
So the string leaves and goes outside. He twists himself up and makes his hair all messy. Then he goes back inside and says, “Bartender! Gimme a drink!”
The bartender says, “You were just in here, and I TOLD YOU, we don’t serve strings!”
And the string says, “ I’m a frayed knot!”
~*Dont Follow My Footsteps I Run Into Walls*~

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Offline Aaron

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Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2008, 10:28:06 am »
haha katy nice 1 :)

Liam

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Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2008, 10:38:40 am »
1. Life depends on the way you think Example: Read this: Thepenisinhermouth.
What did you read?? The pen is in her mouth, or did your dirty mind read something else?
I have many more from friends etc, but most of them are rude or would be considered racist so i won't post them. :)

Offline Morgan

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Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2008, 01:47:02 pm »
I believe I have a dirty mind,
 
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
~*Dont Follow My Footsteps I Run Into Walls*~

Offline Morgan

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Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2008, 06:37:26 pm »
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today,
and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly
horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something
was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy
could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough,
there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground!
By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him,
but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into
my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers.
Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell --
but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge
and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly.
But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died
there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full,
and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment
building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony.
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me.
I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto
the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and
kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed
a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky
and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that
heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
~*Dont Follow My Footsteps I Run Into Walls*~

 

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